m a s k

 Here's a new poem I had stocked, it was incomplete and so I completed it here before publishing it. So enjoy :) btw my story (that I've been writing/ tweaking casually since 2009), Alone In The Dark, is on Wattpad and Booksie (it's in 3 parts on Booksie) so check em out if you're keen :)

m a s k

I was raised to be ashamed of my weaknesses.

To always wear a mask to hide my feelings.1

To "make my face right." and erase the emotion.

That dampened my cheeks with broken meanings.

I was raised under the idea that I'm abnormal.

That something is wrong with me because I'm sensitive.

That I'm psycotic for showing and voicing my hurt.

Because I shouldn't be so 'dramatic' and 'negative'.   

I was raised to believe that I'm not worthy of love.

Because I bruise emotionally easier and am easily hurt.

Because feelings are pathetic and worthless.

And should be swept away like dirt.

I was raised in a wonderful family by loving parents.

Who could never fully grasp or understand.

Just how one of their own offspring.

Could be so brittle & vulnerable to a demand. 

 

I was raised to contain my happiness.

As it is 'weird' to feel overjoyed.

This containing brought on overwhelming sadness.

And my emotions grew annoyed.

 

I became frustrated with bottling everything up.

I grew short tempered with people for not knowing.

How their actions and words made me feel.

This angst and unspoken frustration growing.

 

Then I was raised to believe I was rude.

For being too curt with people around me.

But it was all of the unsaid words.

Spiralling around my head uncrontrollably.

So the mask I wear just barely holds back.

The millions of unuttered words and emotions.

Drowning me in self confliction.

Due to my raising notions.

-Saara